Arguing is the worst thing. I hate it. My last relationship was very argumentative, extreme and volatile. I wont go into it, its over now and we have both moved on. One thing I know I have is a very bad temper, one of the only things my dad has given me. That and his aggression issues. In my life I have always wanted to be nothing like him. Something that cant be helped when we look so similar. However I have always kept my temper under control. One of the final straws with my ex was a time when i actually managed to put myself in hospital. This is something I always choose to forget but the scar on my legs tells me otherwise. I had a knife in my hand cutting potatoes, stood in the kitchen while he was stood next to me and we were arguing. Its not all him, i can be just as argumentative. But this must have been going on for some time. Slowing more intense and i was becoming increasingly more quite. One thing that happens to me when I see red is i panic, all in my head, I just panic. I cant remember a lot from that night, but I just remember it getting too much. I just wanted it to stop. Having someone tower over you and shouting in your face, I felt like my head was going to exsplode. I just wanted him to stop, Everything to stop. Just silence. He had pushed me beyond loosing my temper. And all i wanted to do was hit him. Knowing that was NOT the man I wanted to be, and having a sharp knife in my hand in the second it took my mind to decide that I would not be like my father, and the second it took me to decide this had to just stop, I slammed the knife into the side of my leg. Just under my knee. For that one second it was silence and like I had wanted everything stopped. It didn’t last long. He walked out, police and ambulance arrived and I found myself in hospital alone being told that if it had been 8mm to the left i could have mangled the bit that makes my foot bend. Anyway thats all behind me now. And I’m not mental, and I am certainly no fucking goth self harmer. I don’t know why i did it? I think it was maybe a way of showing him I just couldn’t take anymore. Its just nice to get these things out every once in a while but hey… at least I have a big dick! Hoorah! 

(via endlessaudacity)