And so this will be my last little story of the...

And so this will be my last little story of the year. One thing I don’t think ive ever told you about is how me and Tim met. I realised this last week when I noticed a few messages asking me. Well Me and Tim knew each other about 7 years ago I think. He was going out with a friend of my Boyfriend at the time. I remember seeing him around but I dont think I ever fancied him. Anyway, we bumped into each other a few times and bla bla and then I broke up with my boyfriend and moved away. Then it must have been a year later he added me on Facebook and I accepted and that was that. Then I think the following birthday he wrote on my wall saying happy birthday, I sad thanks and we had a chat. I remember him saying to add me on msn and so I did! I was with my ex then, and he knew about him and would ask about him and I began to tell tim more and more. He was also one of the only people I knew back then with an iphone and he had whatsapp and told me to add it. We would just send eacho ther random pictures of pugs and funny shit off the internet and the accessional hot boy pic. Nothing was ever sexual and he had become a really good friend of mine. Over the months I confided in Tim about how unhappy I was with my bf. We had been together over 2 years and the love had just gone. He actually used to scare me, as silly as that sounds but he was a little irratic and my friends had all said how I had changed and that he had turned me into someone else, and they were right. I ended up moving to London on my own for a job and I knew that it was the only way I could stay with my ex, by seeing him less and hoping distance would make the heart grow fonder. I had no friends in london and I was working all day everyday as an intern in a fashion photography/PR company. It was stressful and I wasnt getting paid and lived off job seekers allowence and stayed on a friends sofa. Tim spend a bit of time in london and the day I moved demaned we went out for a drink to cheer me up. And it did. It was nice to see a familiar face when feeling that venerable. Tim began to know more and more about my relationship and I think it was fair to say he was worried about me. The previous year I had been in hospital due to an argument we had had that left me with a knife stuck in the side of my knee and needing 12 stitches. Also Tim something happened one day with tim and his ex that really upset him and I spent that day comforting him as he was in a bad way. One saturday night Tim invited me out with him and his mates to some random warehouse party in Dalston. I was too chicken shit to go so I took a friend with me to meet them in Victoria park for a few drinks and then I would leave. So I ended up drink fucking loads as always and decided I would go with them! So my friend left me with Tim and his friends and we chatted and chatted for hours. After I had taken too many drugs me and Tim ended up sat on a sofa where we had the most amazing chat and I put my arm round him. I am pretty sure at that point there was some weird chemistry between us. Tim then pulled my arm off of him and It became clear there was no chemistry and It was just drugs. Plus I had a boyfriend and also Tim didn’t like me in that way, we just were friends. Then we were randomly in the same part of London and went for a drink in one of my favourite pubs the Agile arms. Me and Tim sat and spoke and drank cheap wine and it was ace. And I hate to say this as I had a boyfriend but that was the point where I really started to fall in love with him. He was kind and charming and handsome and had become one of the best friends I could have ever wanted. I remember he accidentally touched my leg as we were chatting and went really embarrassed and messed up all his words. Cute! I never thought anything of it but it was almost like it gave me more of a reason to man up and leave the relationship I hated and maybe find love again, or just be happy. Then I don’t I really spoke to Tim for a while. I lost my job and house in London and had to return back to live with my boyfriend and I was so worried that things would be a mess again. But they were much worse and I was worried I was going to do serious damage to myself if I stayed in the relationship any longer. Eventually I knew I had to leave my then boyfriend. I stayed with him because I knew If I left him it would break his heart, even though I was unhappy. It was still one of the hardest things I have ever done but I had too. So that night while in the bath, I text Tim and said “Its happened” and with than he replied “I don’t know why but I knew you were going to say that tonight. Good luck I’m here if you need me” After hours of fighting and crying I then made a bed for myself of the kitchen floor and me and Tim then stayed up chatting to me all night long on whatsapp. It was a very messy break up. And I am still sure it was the worst few months of my life. I moved back in with my Mum and living back at your parents aged 24 is never good and I hated it. So after a few months Tim invited me up to stay over at his house to get away from it all and just get drunk with him and a few of my mates who still lived near them. And so I did. The second I saw him again after months and all the stress I had been though it was the most perfect thing. I literally remember looking at him and thinking he was the perfect man. We then send each other a message titled “My cards laid firmly on the table” and we told each other everything. He told me how he had always fancied me since the day he first saw me back in 2008, how all he wanted to do was kiss me when we went out for a drink. How he felt embarrassed around me because I was so hot and how if ever we were to get together it wouldn’t be just for sex and it wouldn’t be a rebound or anything. it would be for the ‘long haul’ And a few weeks later, on the 11th of September 2010, I invited him to stay at my mates house. We spent the night on the top floor of a really old pub in Bath in the tiniest bedroom full of junk. We were really pissed and made a bed (the raft) out of crap we could find, a rug, a pillow and we spend hours kissing. I can even rememebr that nervous like amazing feeling where you can feel your heart actually beating in your neck! I saw his big bubblebut ass for the first time and my mind was fucking blown as he undressed. He took my boxers off and out popped my dick, rock hard. Tim just laughed and laughed and said “OH MY GOD!” and continued laughing as he tried to have a closer look! We just kissed we didn’t fuck. I think we eventually came, But we kissed all night and we had beards that rubbed and made our mouth sore! We climbed out the window naked and Tim sat on my lap kissing me and it was awesome. I will never forget that night. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about how much I love that man. To be honest, some days I want to smash his head against a wall! But I never have ever doubted just how much I love him. I’m a lucky guy. And so I hope that 2013, if you haven’t already found love, is the year you find your Tim. This picture was one he sent me because we had kissed so much that he had scabs in his beard! ha! Its also the picture I had of him as his contact thing on my phone so when I used to see it, I would get then flutter in my guts! I always have this picture with me. Its saved as the first pic on my phone and it is very important to me. So I thought I’d share it with you.

5 months ago

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Death And Dumb